This is one of my banks. Isn't it cute?
I did a stupid thing. I did a REALLY stupid thing. I racked up thousands of dollars on my credit cards and now I am thousands of dollars in debt.
Oh, sure, my mom is bailing me out by paying off my Visa to which I am eternally grateful, and all I have to do is pay off my MasterCard which is maxed out as well but I still. It doesn't change the fact that I am thousands of dollars in debt. I'm sure you're sitting there, thinking, "Why on earth would you do such a thing?" And the answer would be, "I don't know." Seems like a pat answer but it's the truth. In fact, I used to shake my head reading about those stories about people who have gotten themselves into debt by the thousands and their only answer was "I don't know how this happened." Now I AM one of those people and I can tell you right now that that answer is the truth. I DON'T know how it happened and I had NO idea it would get so bad.
The reason for my debt? The most convenient way of shopping: online. See, when you shop online, especially for somebody who sucks badly at math, you don't seem to remember that the card you are using for your purchases belongs to somebody else and that you will need to pay them back somehow. You don't think about the interest rate on the card if you don't pay the full balance off, and you certainly don't care about the credit limit [well, actually, you do. But not much].
Yes. I am a shopaholic and I am paying for it dearly. So I am going on a sort of "fast". I won't have as much money since I will be using the majority of my funds to pay off my card and funds will be somewhat tight for the next several months. One thing you should know is that this is not voluntary. My mother is making me do this, which is good because clearly I have been right all along when I have been saying that numbers hate me [and the feeling is mutual, I must confess].
Lying awake one night thinking about this new adventure, God spoke to me and said, "You know what? It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay."
I'm choosing too believe what HE says because everything God says is truth. He speaks no lies. Hey, even with my debt that had amassed over the months I had always managed to pay my bills on time. Sure, I had been naive enough to think I was making a difference in my credit card bills, but I still paid more than the minimum amount. It didn't make a lick of difference, I found out this week, but live and learn.
So I have been spending my money foolishly. I admit that. But you know what? I'm going to keep holding on to Daddy God and choose to believe that everything is going to be okay. You know how my mom found out about my mess? God told her to go look for my cards. No joke. This was after seeking His face asking Him for help with my financial crisis for weeks and weeks. Okay, I had this idea in my head that I would somehow be given the money supernaturally so that my mom wouldn't find out, but I suppose this will have to do.
You would think that I'd be full of shame of what I did but you would be wrong. I felt bad about it, yes, I felt absolutely alone and scared to admit what had happened, yes. But you know what? That shame that I had felt when my mom found out, that embarrassed feeling I was carrying for so long? It's gone. It's GONE and I think that's part of the reason why God is wanting me to blog about this. Because with this public post, where EVERYBODY can read it, the enemy has no stronghold over me. Everything I'm going though is out in the open and I am walking in the light. He can't control me with this anymore. Not only that, but now I am accountable to people.
During intercession today at church, one of my friends, and I am so blessed I can say that she's a friend, shared her status on a Facebook page that she has, Fast Track to Freedom:
"I love how the owner told the servant not to Pull the bad seed out that the enemy planted in the night but let the both of them grow up together and when it was harvest time he could separate the two...right now there's a separation going on in our lives from things that may not be good for your life and things that are really good for your life so just keep moving forward because it's harvest time.
God bless you with this word."
God bless you with this word."
Isn't that beautiful? It was just the confirmation I needed to hear that everything WILL be okay. The harvest is happening and Daddy God knew that what had been going on in secret for MONTHS needed to be weeded out so that only the good He has for me can remain when this is all over. Thank you God!! You know what else? Even though I made foolish mistakes and even though I have spent money foolishly I have repented for that in front of God. I have. I have repented for it and now I am free. I know that I know that I know that He will "give back what I have lost to the swarming locusts" [Joel 2:25, NLT]. Do I deserve having back what money I had spent foolishly? Probably not. But hey. I didn't deserve to have an innocent Man be put to death for MY sins all those years ago either but here we are.
Onwards and upwards, as they say. I can rest easy now knowing what I had done in secret is now out in the light and the enemy won't be able to use it against me any longer.
I am free.