the audacity of my faith

Hi!

You know how in my last blog post I was talking about how the Lord will fight for me in the midst of what was happening in my life? Yeah, throw that out. LOL!

What I am about to say will not be a shock to some of you. What I am about to say will shock the rest of you...maybe.

Let's recap: I want to go to Pasadena and do an internship - Midnight Oil - with the Pasadena International House of Prayer [PIHOP]. I am on disability here in Ontario, Canada. The program is called Ontario Disability Support Program [ODSP]. They don't allow their clients to leave the province for more than thirty days without asking for permission. They DO allow them to leave under special circumstances but the request needs to be in writing. I wrote a letter asking for permission in hopes that this could be considered a 'special circumstance'. The request was DENIED.

So what am I supposed to do now? You know what? I'm going to work towards my dream anyways. I know what ODSP has said. I know I will most likely lose my support. But during church today, I felt that this was all God's plan; that it was God's plan for ODSP to say NO. Why, you might be asking, would it be in God's plan to have ODSP deny me this request? I believe it's a test. I was sitting there feeling somewhat bummed and I felt the Lord ask my heart, "How badly do you want this?"

I want it pretty badly. Badly enough to risk everything and follow the Lord God where He leads. Because following God where He leads is going to cost you, and YOU have to decide if it's worth it all. I COULD sigh and say, "It is what it is," and go on living my comfortable life in Sarnia, Ontario. I COULD do that. But I won't. Because I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in life. It's WORTH IT. It's WORTH the cost of losing ODSP. It's just MONEY. Oh well. You think that I'm going to be caring about that when Time is at the end and I'm standing before my Lord and King listening as He tells me, "Well done, good and faithful servant."?

The internship is WORTH the cost of what I might have to pay. Following God is WORTH the cost of whatever it is that He's asking me to give up. I DON'T CARE. Mandie, you're going to LOSE your money to pay for your drugs. I DON'T CARE. Mandie, this is ridiculous. I DON'T CARE. Mandie, this is not the regular way of life. I DON'T CARE. Mandie, think about the COST! I DON'T CARE!

I'm following God and that's all there is to it. I have already decided I would work towards this thing. I have already decided that if you're going to be all "Negative Nancy" about this, it means that you're against me and not for me. Never mind GOD fighting for me, I'M fighting for my dream and for myself on this. LOL! Seriously though. I got an image of the disciples waking up Jesus in order to calm the storm that was raging all around them and their boat. Only...Jesus was pretty perturbed. He was all, "Have I taught you NOTHING? I have given YOU the authority. YOU calm the storm." So I WILL calm my storm and I WILL own this mountain.  I am CONSUMED by His love and His mercy and His grace and there's no way I'm ever going to give this up. Never, EVER, ever.

I CAN and I WILL...WATCH ME.