servanthood saturday: counting the cost

via pixabay

What would cause a thirty-one-year-old young woman from Sarnia, Ontario, Canada, to go against people's wishes, risk losing her support to pay for her expensive medications, all so she could 'move' down to California for three months where she knows absolutely nobody, aside from her Heavenly Father, her Lord Jesus, and her faithful companion, Holy Spirit?

Well, come along and see!

A lot of people don't want me to do this internship. Their love and concern for me moves me; it truly does.

BUT.

How do you explain the calling that God has placed deep inside of you? How do you explain that this is NOT an act of rebellion, but rather an act of total and complete surrender to the Lord? How do you explain the cost of following - and that there IS a cost - after God?

[It should be noted here that over a year ago, in March 2014, God spoke to my spirit and said that I was at a crossroad and that I could continue the life as I have always known it...or I can give myself completely to Him and only to Him. Every area, every square inch of my heart, my EVERYTHING, forsaking all that I know, everything that is tangible by worldly standards, I can NEVER go back. I can NEVER go back to who I have always been. My life, as I have known it for thirty one years [I turn thirty two in July], will be over. My current relationships - family/friends/church/acquaintances/Facebook friends/etc, etc - will change FOREVER. The sheer power of intimacy with my God will completely ruin me.]

How do you explain that you have, indeed, counted that cost and that you have decided that it was worth it? How do you explain the need to fulfill ALL that God has for you? How do you explain that? How do you explain that when God calls you there IS no other choice but to follow after Him no matter where He takes you, no matter what people say, no matter what you, yourself, are feeling? How do you explain that it's NOT about pleasing others, but that it's about pleasing God? How do you explain that a year ago God had spoken to my spirit and told me that I had two choices: I could continue to live the life I have always lived or I could completely give my entire being to Him, my everything, forsaking all that I know and trust, and surrender myself completely unto Him? How do you explain that after that I. Chose. HIM? How do you explain that He's come to collect on that answer a year later?

How do you explain all of that?

The truth is...that you can't. You can certainly try, but ultimately, it's impossible to try and explain how He works in one's life.

Luke 14:25-33 says this: "A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, "If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple. But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’ Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him? And if he can’t, he will send a delegation to discuss terms of peace while the enemy is still far away. So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own.”

I counted the cost, and while the cost is great, I know that I know that I know that I KNOW that this will all be worth it. And when the feelings of frustration and discouragement seem too much to bear? I think of the disciples in the Bible who no doubt struggled with the very same feelings and the very same situations that I am currently dealing with way back then, and I am filled with encouragement and a new strength to carry on.

People think that this is just a whim of mine, that I haven't thought things through, that this is just way too big for God to move, blah, blah, blah. Well, this ISN'T just a whim, I HAVE thought things through, and it IS big enough for God to move in.

You know, there are MANY great worship songs out there. There really are. Songs from Chris Tomlin, Hillsongs, Jesus Culture, Brian and Jenn Johnson, Matt Redman, etc, etc. All of them are great. But do we REALLY listen to the words when we sing them? Do we REALLY believe what we're singing? I know I believe them and I listen to the words. Some of the people I know should STOP singing these kind of songs, the songs where the artist is talking about surrender, giving their all to God, trusting in Him for all things. It's obvious they don't believe a single word. Actions speak louder than words. Or, do they actually believe them but when it comes to me, Mandie Cross, it's all "Whoops, sorry Mandie! You are exempt from this"? That is not fair and it's very, very, wrong.

So I'm on a journey of discovery. I can't wait to see what God has for me. I know that I'm following His path and if people don't like it, well, they don't have to be a part of my life. It will hurt, and it will sting, but as God told me over a year ago, if I decided to follow after Him it will change all my relationships...FOREVER. I had already counted that cost you see. I KNOW what God is asking of me, and to be perfectly honest, I don't really care what others think. It's not my problem; it's THEIR problem. 

There's a line in one of my favourite worship songs, Oceans Rise (Where Feet May Fail), that goes You've never failed, and You won't start now. There's a few lines in another one of my favourite worship songs, I Surrender, by Kim Walker-Smith, No turning back, I've made up my mind/I'm giving all of my life this time/Your love makes it worth it/Your love makes it worth it all/Your love makes it worth it all. 

People ask me, "What if this happens or what if that happens?" I do worry. I DO. It's just that I can't afford to dwell on it because then it gives the enemy a foothold to sneak his way in and say, "Did God REALLY tell you that? Did God REALLY say those things? Did God REALLY show you these things?" Yes, God REALLY told me that, and He REALLY said those things, and He REALLY showed me these things. Shut up!

I'm following after God no matter what. Where He goes, I'll go; where He stays, I'll stay; when He moves, I'll move; I will follow Him. If you want to join me, awesome. If you don't...then step aside because this girl is going to follow God no matter where He takes me, no matter what He's asking me to do, and no matter what YOU might be thinking.

the audacity of my faith

Hi!

You know how in my last blog post I was talking about how the Lord will fight for me in the midst of what was happening in my life? Yeah, throw that out. LOL!

What I am about to say will not be a shock to some of you. What I am about to say will shock the rest of you...maybe.

Let's recap: I want to go to Pasadena and do an internship - Midnight Oil - with the Pasadena International House of Prayer [PIHOP]. I am on disability here in Ontario, Canada. The program is called Ontario Disability Support Program [ODSP]. They don't allow their clients to leave the province for more than thirty days without asking for permission. They DO allow them to leave under special circumstances but the request needs to be in writing. I wrote a letter asking for permission in hopes that this could be considered a 'special circumstance'. The request was DENIED.

So what am I supposed to do now? You know what? I'm going to work towards my dream anyways. I know what ODSP has said. I know I will most likely lose my support. But during church today, I felt that this was all God's plan; that it was God's plan for ODSP to say NO. Why, you might be asking, would it be in God's plan to have ODSP deny me this request? I believe it's a test. I was sitting there feeling somewhat bummed and I felt the Lord ask my heart, "How badly do you want this?"

I want it pretty badly. Badly enough to risk everything and follow the Lord God where He leads. Because following God where He leads is going to cost you, and YOU have to decide if it's worth it all. I COULD sigh and say, "It is what it is," and go on living my comfortable life in Sarnia, Ontario. I COULD do that. But I won't. Because I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in life. It's WORTH IT. It's WORTH the cost of losing ODSP. It's just MONEY. Oh well. You think that I'm going to be caring about that when Time is at the end and I'm standing before my Lord and King listening as He tells me, "Well done, good and faithful servant."?

The internship is WORTH the cost of what I might have to pay. Following God is WORTH the cost of whatever it is that He's asking me to give up. I DON'T CARE. Mandie, you're going to LOSE your money to pay for your drugs. I DON'T CARE. Mandie, this is ridiculous. I DON'T CARE. Mandie, this is not the regular way of life. I DON'T CARE. Mandie, think about the COST! I DON'T CARE!

I'm following God and that's all there is to it. I have already decided I would work towards this thing. I have already decided that if you're going to be all "Negative Nancy" about this, it means that you're against me and not for me. Never mind GOD fighting for me, I'M fighting for my dream and for myself on this. LOL! Seriously though. I got an image of the disciples waking up Jesus in order to calm the storm that was raging all around them and their boat. Only...Jesus was pretty perturbed. He was all, "Have I taught you NOTHING? I have given YOU the authority. YOU calm the storm." So I WILL calm my storm and I WILL own this mountain.  I am CONSUMED by His love and His mercy and His grace and there's no way I'm ever going to give this up. Never, EVER, ever.

I CAN and I WILL...WATCH ME.

heroism

Meet Jordan Rice. Son. Brother. Friend. Cute. Thirteen. Australian. Brave. Hero. That last word usually isn't used in the same description as a normal thirteen year-old boy, but then Jordan isn't your average boy. Or rather, he wasn't. He tragically died this week during the flood in Australia when he and his mother were swept away by the strong current in the middle of a rescue mission to save him, his mother, and his ten year-old brother, Blake.

Let me start in the beginning. He, his mother, Donna, and Blake were in the car to go shopping for school. The car stalled in the middle of the street in relatively shallow water. Within seconds, I'm guessing, the water rose considerably and kept rising therefore making the family climb atop their car. Two people went to rescue them. During this mission of mercy, they went for Jordan first. Jordan didn't want to go because he wanted them to rescue Donna and Blake first. Did I mention that Jordan couldn't swim and that he was terrified of water? Yeah. So, they grabbed Blake first. Blake was saved. Unfortunately, the rope that the rescuers used on Jordan tore and that's when he and Donna were swept away.

What gets to me is Jordan's courageous spirit and boldness. I mean, you have to be bold if you were in the midst of a flood, couldn't swim and had a fear of water - a bad combination by the way, and still wanted your mother and brother to be rescued first. I want that. I want that kind of boldness that says, 'yeah, I'm in this absolutely terrifying situation but I still want everybody to go before me'. Can you imagine the complete terror he must have felt on top of the car? He probably was close to having a complete meltdown! I know I would've been.

We can learn from this. I'm twenty seven, and I am in awe of this thirteen year-old boy. That he would stay in an enviroment that he was petrified of just so his brother could be rescued first? That is astounding. Remarkable, even.

Daddy God, I want that boldness. I want that courageous spirit. Jordan was absolutely terrified in that situation, but he still was selfless enough to let his mom and brother go ahead of him. I want that, putting other people first before me. I want that faith that Jordan had in those rescuers even though the outcome was tragic. Thank you so much for Jordan and his mom and brother. Thank you so much for his dad and other brothers who are no doubt proud of this young boy who did this extraordinary act. I ask that you keep watch over Jordan's family as they're mourning the loss of their brother, wife, and mom. I ask that you be with Blake, especially, in case he feels shame and/or guilt over what his brother did. Amen.

When I grow up, I want to be just like Jordan Rice.

If you wish to leave a message about Jordan or say something to the family, and I'm not too sure if it''s even sanctioned by them but whatever, please click here.